The Impact the Deployment Makes

Another report from Jarhedjon.

"The antidote to the weariness from a deployment extends beyond achieving a few extended nights’ sleep in a comfortable bed. Not that those holding down the fort at home don't know this. In many cases, their lives have been even more dramatically impacted and/or affected than the one deployed. The longer the duration of the absence of the deployed, the less the "positive" nature or "positive" results that were the reason for the separation have any relevance—to either the deployed individual or those left behind. For instance, is it harder to leave one’s family for a deployment where the mission is understood, the tasking continuous, the routine aspects of life provided for and/or taken care of, and in the context of career progression amid accolades and support? Or is it harder to be left behind, half of a couple or more difficult yet, a single parent, handling all the requirements of living in what was reasonably expected to be a shared experience, aware every day of a specific vacuum in life—a half empty bed, an empty place at the dinner table, a missing social companion and friend. Having been the one deployed, though I recognize that it is no fun, my money is on the left-behind folks as having a more difficult time. Regardless, allowances are made for me, and all sorts of support mechanisms are not only available, I am required several times during “warrior transition” to specifically deny the requirement for follow-on support if I elect not to receive it. Unfortunately, such care is a little more distant from my family than it is to me, though there is a growing awareness of the necessity for this, and there are limited programs available.The most difficult thing for relationships, however, is not the separation—it is “re-entry” following the separation. The deployed (speaking for myself, here) will tend to believe relationships can be “checked out of” when deployed and “checked back into” when the deployment is over, believing little change has occurred personally over the deployment and the bigger challenge will be “catching up” with changes in others. Those left behind (my perceptions here) have long since learned to deal with the vacuum, developed coping mechanisms, and “moved on”—their “place” relative to the “place” where the deployed person expects to “check back in to” are now very different “locations,” a gap which will require tremendous effort and significant time (several months or more) on the part of BOTH parties to close. Semper Fi, JarHedJon"

I agree with what Jon says above about the re-entry time. Joshua and I have been praying about that time already. We talk about the fact that Joshua will need to share me with Dad and vice versa. Joshua is at an age where justice is quite important so he has already said, "Mom, if you and Dad go on a date, then I'll get to go to breakfast at Ruby's with Dad, cause that's fair." :) Initially we'll plan quite a bit of family time so all three of us will be together. Jon will have a lot of days off, so hopefully he and I will have some quality time together during the day while Joshua's in school. Of course, my life has "gone on" and I have lots going on with PTA and the church, so I'll need to rearrange my schedule to make that time. I don't, and I don't think Jon means to sound like we are complaining. We just want to let you know a bit of the complicated nature of coming together after a year of separation and we would greatly appreciate your prayers. Thanks.

Sheryl